New Post Different World 2020
September 2020. Here I am back at it again to reclaim this website. I am still one that is always on the fence about being so open on the internet so who knows how long I'll keep up with this this time. A lot has happened this year. The world as we know it has turned upside down bouncing off the ceiling inside out... you know the rest. So are there major life updates for me? Nope. I have basically been at home since March 18th trying to figure out my life.
On New Year's, as we all do, we hoped for the bright and shiny new year that the confetti, champagne and maybe even disco ball filled night promised us. There was something about my New Year's that really made me believe in it this year though. I don't know what it was, I just had some sort of spark inside that made me feel like a great positive change was coming. Spoiler alert... there was definitely change but not in the way any of us expected.
My last feeling of "normalcy", I went out with a bang. A friend had invited me to an ABBA themed disco party in Brooklyn. We met up at Dry Bar to get our 70s-dos, then went to our hotel to change into our best disco attire and then we took off. It was a whirlwind of a night and it was probably the funnest night I had had in such a long time. Just pure joy and freedom. We discoed until they closed the place and then we went back to our hotel to order diner food at 4am. In keeping with theme, we took a disco nap and then somehow went to a boxing class, where I ran to Penn Station after to catch my train so that I could work my night shift. HOW I HAD THE ENERGY TO SURVIVE AND STILL GO TO WORK IS BEYOND ME. It was probably the universe's way of saying go big because you have no idea what's in store for you next.
And just like that, within 3 days, the world for me turned upside down. My last day of work was March 17th, happy Saint Patrick's Day to me. I am currently still, like so many people out there, unemployed. I am so grateful to still be living in my childhood home at this point, so I am fortunate that I do not have to worry about rent or other living expenses in that respect. I still have struggled with my mental health in other ways. While I am currently still not in my desired field (which has been mentally hard enough on my confidence), the job that I have had since grad school, is closing for good. COVID-19 was basically the straw that broke the camel's back, so that's also been upsetting in my personal bubble. That job and the people that I worked with had such an impact on me after grad school. It picked me up and kept me going. I was able to be myself again after feeling like a shell of a person. Again I am aware and acknowledge that there could be worse things in life.
To keep the days a little brighter, I have been trying to assign myself little tasks or crafts. Some days are harder than others, so I try not to beat up on myself if there wasn't much to do. During this experience I have found myself trying to figure things out, like who I am, or what I like. I've gone back to old hobbies like sewing, and have opened the doors to new ones like polymer clay jewelry apparently. I take polaroid photos of every happy "event" just so that I knew there were moments in such a dark year where I felt something other than sadness. And well, here I am again; seeing if I want to give this another go. I don't know if anyone will read what I have to say or if they care or if they'll even "follow me", and that's okay. I hate when things feel too pressured or inorganic. If it feels right, I'll write, or post, or find another outlet of expression. Maybe just maybe, I'll learn how to navigate my life a little better one day at a time.
